Failing at being a comeback Queen

I can never think of witty comebacks when I need them and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Yesterday I was in the shop on campus buying a bottle of wine to take to a friend’s tomorrow as she’s having a small gathering and she’d cooking us all lunch so thought it would be nice to bring some wine. So I picked up the bottle of wine, was standing in the queue and this cute guy came and joined the queue behind me and said “Bit early for that isn’t?”

My only response was to roll my eyes and say “Don’t judge me.” I hasten to add I was buying this wine at around 2pm so you know, at least it wasn’t still morning but that was all I said. No don’t get me wrong, I didn’t feel as if I needed to justify myself to this guy why I was buying wine but just saying “Don’t judge me” probably made me sound like a bit of an alcoholic.

As soon as I had paid and stepped out of the shop I thought of more witty things I could have said. “Well, it’s five o’clock somewhere!” or “I’m a Masters student – we all get driven to drink.” or “It’s Friday!” or I could have even mentioned the whole sophisticated plan of since my friend’s cooking for me the least I could do is bring a bottle of wine.

But alas, none of these witty comments came to mind at the right time and the cute guy probably thinks I’m an angry alcoholic.

When I was younger I was bullied and could never think of a clever reply to shoot back at the bullies until about three days later and I’d thought about it non-stop. I guess I still haven’t managed to become the Queen of the comeback – though at least now it only takes me a few minutes to realise what a wasted opportunity I had. I guess some people are just better at thinking on their feet than others. My mother for instance is super quick and can banter with the best, I only the other hand either end up stumbling over my words or having a complete blank.

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